Silence can be a place of peace , DS ©
“In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah”
Relationships are not an easy task! Relationships involve a vast sphere of emotions/feelings. Feeling can create a great confusion in our soul and our mind. We might lose perspective due to our feelings. Feelings can show us our way, though. Yes, it is complicated!
The scripture of Psalms 4v4, speaks about the feeling – anger – and about the solution. It presents the problem and moves on to the solution. It is solution and not problem oriented. There is no denial of the feeling. The emotion is recognized and embraced. The sin – the problem – does not originate from the feeling but from the action taken upon the sentiment. When we take action – bad/evil action – the moment that we feel angry, this action will direct us to sin.
The solution proposed here is SILENCE! A moment of silence, a night of silence or a day, few days of silence will bring some balance and more solid perspective on the issue.
What really means to be silent?
It is very common, within relationships that one person tries to discuss an issue which was raised and the other person turns his/her back and walks out or just stay there without answering. This is not the gift of silence…this is the curse of silence! We are not obliged to answer but we need to respond. We might need some time to think about what the other person is telling us. We let him/her to know that we need to reflect on it and we will come back soon with our thoughts. Be aware that we do not need to abuse the allowance of time. I remember in a case of mine, I waited for 3-4 months…yes, I know… I am a very patient donkey! Eventually, I took the initiative to re-open the discussion. Obviously the other person had to answer. Attention: I did not try to drag out the answer. I believed that 4 months later the person knew the answer but it was hard to speak it out. I did not re-open the discussion in a week or a month or I tried to scream and upset the other side. In the meantime I was nice and lovable…hahahaha! I left enough time and nicely I went back. No matter what the answer was, the point is that I felt misunderstood and not respected as the person had refused to come by self and give a respond. Be certain that this little story did not help the further development of that relationship.
Some of us practice the principle “my silence is my response”. Honestly, I find this approach equal to the approach of a coward. When we have to say something, it is important to say it even if it is difficult for us. It is respectful towards the other person. Remember, we are not the only ones we have needs. What in the world allows us to torture the other person till s/he figures out what we would have said?
When it is beneficial to keep silence?
“A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak”
How do we know when it is appropriate/beneficial to keep silence? The wisest response to this question is found in the scriptures:
“For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”
“For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.”
Exactly! What we need is God’s wisdom not our wisdom, God’s understanding not our understanding!
When we keep our personal relationship with our Lord and seek His guidance and counsel, make no mistake, He will do it. He is a lovely father and He wants prosperity on us, especially in our relationships.
When we build a relationship, in time, we learn more about the other person and I believe that our guts do indicate when silence is required.
We discussed how we could react when we need time to respond and communicate to the other side. What do we do when a dialogue goes on and there is no reason to postpone it for another time? Still, take a moment and seek His wisdom. The other person will have the opportunity to reflect on his/her own thoughts and sayings. You have the same opportunity to reflect. The conversation might go on in a more mature way. We find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation when there is silence. We are used to the “exchange” of words. When somebody finishes talking, we MUST say something. We grew up with the impression of necessary responses. We must have an opinion, an advice and so on. Have you ever tried to just say nothing? It is magic! Believe it or not, our conversationalist will take a moment and s/he will continue talking and exploring more. You will do the same when you are the talker. It happens! It just happens! When few moments of silence occur there is a pleasant peace and interconnection between two living souls.
An important element in developing healthy relationships is to continue developing self-awareness. A great way to expand self-awareness is the gift of silence! What I mean is, to practice silence not only towards others when this is required. I talk about staying silent towards ourselves and life. Silence brings peace in our heart and our life. As we practice silence, our thoughts might take the proper dimension in our mind and provide a healing process for our soul.
We talk too much and we are used to amazing noises around us. Have you ever stayed few days in the desert? I spent three days in Sinai, sleeping on the sand and taking bath with water from a small container. Sleeping under the stars and experiencing the perfect silence. The days in the desert are noisy, especially due to the flies! The nights are perfectly silent! I love the desert! When wake up the mornings there is no noise around, only yellow soft sand, small bushes here and there, a camel crossing in the distance. And suddenly the silence is broken by a fly – very disturbing! Silence returns again when night comes!
There is silence some times as well in Heavens! It is written:
“When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.”
This silence is the silence of anticipation! Expectation will reign upon all creatures as they wait to see what happens when the seventh seal opens. When we seek our Lord, when we pray and fast, when we have done it all, we stay still and wait upon the Lord. Staying still is staying also silent and waiting in anticipation for His miracles and wonders. Amen!
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