“Sex addicts are running away from intimacy by acting out sexually. Even though they are engaging in the most intimate of acts, they are disengaging and blunting their emotions to avoid the pain to connecting in a healthy relationship. The intimacy requires transparency and vulnerability, honesty and acceptance and trust. True intimacy requires deciding to love.”
I have a choice of ways to keep my notes when I read or when I think and write. I use a notebook – the original paper ones…not the digital ones – or a voice recorder and mostly pieces of papers here and there, sometimes my laptop’s recorder or word files, even my mobile phone’s recorder. Every now and then, I re-discover notes recorded or written at the same manner as when we retrieve money notes in the old jeans’ back pocket!
Such a note is the above one regarding intimacy. My apologies to whoever wrote the article or book, I can’t recall where I read this paragraph but today takes shape in what is True Intimacy.
I believe that the definition of intimacy is accurately described. I feel that this is a great guideline to recognize whether we are in intimacy with someone else or whether that person is with us.
The five elements:
Transparency is to say what you have to say; being straightforward but not unkind, impolite. I think that transparency and trust are connected with a strong link. How can I trust when I feel that there is no transparency? How can I trust when there is no honesty? How can I trust when there is no acceptance?
Vulnerability is open to act when there is acceptance; I can be just myself – embracing my soft or tough characteristics – just because I have been accepted as I am. Accepted as I am by that other person and by my own self!
Honesty is understood in diverse ways. Some people believe that honesty is just about not lying. I strongly disagree! A person who lies is a liar but honesty is more than that. When we say a lie, we are liars but when we do not say a part of the truth – the whole truth – we are dishonest. When we manipulate our sayings in a way that we do not lie but say not much, especially important things, then there is no honesty or transparency.
The five elements of Transparency, Vulnerability, Honesty, Acceptance and Trust define Love, isn’t it? Intimacy is about love and love is about intimacy!
I like the part that says “True intimacy requires deciding to love.” It reminds me what a friend once said to me: “Love is a decision!”
You would ask: “How a feeling could be just a decision?”
It is our thoughts which great our feelings – most of the times – and few times are just our instincts.
Obviously, if my thought is “I hate that guy”, “I can’t stand you” or “Oh, I get bored”…no loving feelings will appear or felt or grow! When I decide to love, I will take the time to learn more about that person, I will try to understand. Nevertheless, even loving someone doesn’t mean that I can stand him/her! We might never connect but still we can walk along in life.
Just a thought!
I wish to address you to an older article of LovingMinistry, the “How Jesus Demonstrated Love in His daily life” and I hope that it adds a lot on the above thoughts.
Us, as Christians, Intimacy is not only with our partners but firstly and mostly with our Lord. If we truly desire to have a close, true, creative and strongly personal relationship with our God – as ought to be – intimacy, true intimacy comes in place. Transparency, Vulnerability, Honesty, Acceptance and Trust are the vital building blocks for this kind of personal relationship. Trust is faith, faith is trust. By believing the Lord which means trusting Him, we will feel free to be honest and transparent with Him and have no fear to show our vulnerability. Of course, we know that He reads our heart so apparently honesty must be in place! I would say that Intimacy is above all that state where we feel comfortable, in a safe place and I assure you that transparency, vulnerability, honesty, acceptance and trust will be easily accessed, easily implemented in a very natural way and with no effort!
“And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.”
It can be even easier achieved because:
“Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
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